I signed to play NCAA Division II Volleyball on November 11, 2005. This, is what I thought would be the proudest moment of my life, and at that time, it was. I had worked hard to get where I wanted to be and I chose a school that offered amazing academics and an amazing athletic program. My first year of college, was scary and fun and every emotion wrapped into a big ball of goodness. I made some of my greatest friends and greatest memories and DBU was looking like a great choice. Until I couldn't be myself, on or off the court or, on or off of campus. I knew I had chosen to go to a Baptist University, but I did not know that by doing so, I would feel so far away from God and his love that I almost lost hope in Christianity. During my first semester at DBU, I struggled keeping my girlfriend a secret from my family, my coach and most of my teammates.Then, I was tired of hiding such an important person in my life, I finally found the courage to talk to my Mom about being a lesbian. I can remember sitting in the stairwell, in a desk, crying and wondering how I was going to tell her. I called, the phone felt like it rang 50 times before there was an answer. I talked for a minute and then told my Mom that I needed to tell her something. All I can remember is the overwhelming feeling of fear. The fear that my family would not love me anymore, that I would be all alone and that I would disappoint my family after all the hard work I had put in for them to be proud of me. I cried as my Mom asked "What is so bad that you can't tell me?" and I couldn't answer...so by God's grace, my Mom said "What? You're gay?" and just like that, it was lifted off my shoulders. It was real. My family has loved and supproted me, maybe even a little more, since then.
Ever since that conversation, I have been a new person, I have been me, but better, because I can share that very important part of my life with my family and friends. I left DBU the Spring after my second season there. My coach threatened my scholarship and harassed me about being gay, even though I had never spoken to her about my personal life. The last straw for DBU was during a Bible Study with my volleyball team that was led by our head coach went belly-up. I remember my whole team already knew that I was gay and they supported and loved me for who I was, but my Coach was not very open minded to anything beyond her closed doors. She stated that "God punished the people of this earth with AIDS because of homosexuals," ...........I didn't and still dont understand that statement. God is not an angry God, he is not a punishing God. God does not make mistakes-long story short, I turned my gear in the next day and told my (ex)coach a few choice words and that I would not be returning to play for her of DBU. It was, to this day, the best decision I could have made for ME, don't get me wrong, I LOVE every single girl I played with on that team, they are amazing women now, most of whom I look up to and admire, but that dark place that is wrapped up like a beautiful Christmas present, was not for me. It was the first day that I felt like I had control over my life. I was Stacy Fitzhugh. A 6'3", diabetic, lesbian, beautiful amazon of a woman worthy of love, appreciation and happiness.
Ever since that conversation, I have been a new person, I have been me, but better, because I can share that very important part of my life with my family and friends. I left DBU the Spring after my second season there. My coach threatened my scholarship and harassed me about being gay, even though I had never spoken to her about my personal life. The last straw for DBU was during a Bible Study with my volleyball team that was led by our head coach went belly-up. I remember my whole team already knew that I was gay and they supported and loved me for who I was, but my Coach was not very open minded to anything beyond her closed doors. She stated that "God punished the people of this earth with AIDS because of homosexuals," ...........I didn't and still dont understand that statement. God is not an angry God, he is not a punishing God. God does not make mistakes-long story short, I turned my gear in the next day and told my (ex)coach a few choice words and that I would not be returning to play for her of DBU. It was, to this day, the best decision I could have made for ME, don't get me wrong, I LOVE every single girl I played with on that team, they are amazing women now, most of whom I look up to and admire, but that dark place that is wrapped up like a beautiful Christmas present, was not for me. It was the first day that I felt like I had control over my life. I was Stacy Fitzhugh. A 6'3", diabetic, lesbian, beautiful amazon of a woman worthy of love, appreciation and happiness.